the complete history of diana, with excessive visual aides and far too much information

 

this is me/diana:

the diana in question

i like to feign innocence, but usually what’s really going on in my head is “wait…  i’m totally confused…“
i am incredibly distracted by bright colors, loud noises and sparkly things.

“innocence” is way more socially acceptable than
“i wasn’t paying attention, and now i don’t know what you’re talking about.”

orange used to be my favorite color, but now i’m just a huge fan of all of them.  one of my front teeth is slightly longer than the other.  i like them both equally.

i think really dumb things are hysterical -

like when i wear this shirt:

number one brother

 

when people pay to have signs made that say stupid things:

“do not flush your clothing.”
“seriously? then what am i supposed to do with them?” 

 

writing the letter “i” in inappropriate places on labels at work:

look!  i made it say “penis!”

 

and playing Relax Game with my brother:

(Relax Game – verb:  a game created by diana and asher deaver – a.k.a. “the citizens” – where one “citizen” gets into the most uncomfortable position possible and then waits for the other “citizen” to find them.  at this point the “finder” says, “what the hell are you doing?!” and the first “citizen” says, “i’m relaxing.”)

asher’s winning position in an intense round of “Relax Game”

that was hilarious.

 

i am a huge fan of green tea ice cream:

i also am a huge fan of that sweater, but i lost it.

 

actually, i’m just a fan of “eating” in general:

i do not take appropriate-sized bites, but i do brush my hands off after eating with my fingers.

 

i like sticking my tongue out in most pictures, getting way too dressed up with my friend jake and posing like we’re a pretentious couple who hate each other, and the fleeting moments my brothers and i are all in the same place at the same time:

 

a flattering way to pose for the camera in almost any situation

we continued to act like this long after the humor wore off for those around us

 

2007 – the last time all members of the Deaver Sibling Club were present at once

 

my oldest brother used to do this thing with his hair that really stressed me out, but then he started dating a model (as in, a real model who gets real jobs, not a waitress in nyc,) and he started making better grooming decisions.

my brother, pre “better haircut” phase.  i still loved him unconditionally,
i just cringed a little more when i looked at his bangs.

additional Important Diana Facts include:  

1. i have never met an emily i didn’t like
2. i like taking pictures
3. i have never been in jail

 

prime example of a like-able emily

man, i am STOKED about something.  
maybe my camera?  or the fact that i’m wearing my
most favorite thing in the world – gingham?  
or my “to-go” box?

this isn’t jail – this is art.

 

every couple months or so i like to trick myself into thinking i’m not an Extreme Lightweight, and i try to keep up with my way cooler friends.  it always starts out looking like this, and it always ends in a very un-enjoyable way:

this is the only time i’ve looked at a picture and thought,
“wow.  i look like my mom.”  
and i’ve never seen her drink in my life.  

another time i tried to keep up with the cool kids was this night:

this was the first time we all met in person.  
rory convinced me it was a good idea to try “every type of alcohol.”  
i threw up.  a few weeks later we went on a month-long road trip.  
sometimes puking around new people can work in your best interest.

 

other than the epic month-long road trip i went on with those guys, (the ones above?  who i puked in front of on our first date?)  my other thrilling summer adventure has been “Doves.” 

the bigger dude in the middle hatched the smaller guys on the sides.
 i guess he’s not a “dude.”

the best part about “Doves” is that all this hatching happened right outside my kitchen window.  i got to observe some seriously dysfunctional dove-family drama.  

i don’t mean to brag about being a dove expert, but i kind of am – and i am not kidding when i tell you that those baby doves had some serious codependency issues.  towards the end it got so bad that there were three full-grown doves living in that nest.  Mom Dove would come home every night and they’d still be sitting there, just chillin’.  and you know what she did?  nothing.  she’d just sit there on top of them like they were still babies, and they’d all glare at each other.  it was the most uncomfortable-looking dove stack i’ve ever seen in my life.

eventually they moved out – and by “moved out” i mean into the ashtray someone left on top of the jacuzzi cover, all of 3 feet from mom’s nest.  together!

i mean, come on doves – seriously?  you’re not supposed to move into an ashtray with your own sibling.  go mate or something.  procreate!  

some very dysfunctional doves making poor life-choices

now you know me.